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Over the years, in the course of my spiritual journey at Madonna House, I have been given moments of clarity. These moments came as a still, small voice into my thoughts and heart. These “words” as I call them, would at times console me or admonish me. I would like to share some of them with you.
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A Heart of Stone
The first word I wish to share with you took place many years ago when I was stationed at St. Joseph’s, our mission house just down the road from Madonna House.
One day when I was in a real spiritual slump, I was walking towards Madonna House. My outlook on life was pretty bleak; I seemed to always be crying about something.
“I have such a heart of stone,” I said to myself. “I can’t seem to love, and I can’t seem to serve in any capacity. My heart is too hard; nothing can go in and nothing can go out.”
On and on I went, berating myself and sinking deeper into the mire of self-pity.
Just then, I “heard” in my heart the following words:
“Janine, you say your heart is of stone? I wrote the Ten Commandments on stone. Don’t worry about your heart.”
That was a turning point for me.
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That’s Tempting
In 2010, my childhood dream came true. I had always wanted to learn to play the fiddle, and an opportunity came to have some lessons.
Fr. Brian Christie, now a member of Madonna House, was then a long-term guest. He had a degree in music, and his main instrument was the violin. And while at university, he attended concerts where he heard Cape Breton fiddlers and developed a love for their music.
We got permission for him to teach me while he was visiting—for two months. I was fifty years old at the time.
At my age, it was challenging, but I worked really hard practicing and learning as much as I could. I really put my heart in it. But my playing was fair, and of course, I was a beginner.
I say all this to set the stage for my next little vignette.
At one point, I became quite miffed at Adam and Eve because they were the reason sin had come into the world. I was tired of carrying my own burden of sin.
Why did they have to go and eat of the tree after they had been told not to? Why was the knowledge of good and evil such a temptation? Couldn’t they have been satisfied with good?
I was really berating them in my heart and showing no mercy.
Just then I heard in my heart: “Janine, what if you were offered the ability to play the fiddle as well as Fr. Brian by tomorrow morning?”
I promptly apologized to Adam and Eve.
***
The Song of the Woodpecker
Combermere is in a rural area, so periodically we hear sounds of wildlife. In spring, for example, woodpeckers, in order to mark their territories, begin earnestly to tap on anything that makes noise. Sometimes, they even bang on the metal gift shop sign.
As a community, we gather twice a day in our island chapel either to pray lauds or vespers and to attend Mass. It is a quiet spot, conducive to prayer.
But one spring morning, a woodpecker discovered that the wooden island chapel makes a glorious sound.
As soon as Mass began, so did the woodpecker, and we were somewhat distracted. Attempts were made to shoo him away, but he was undeterred. He kept knocking on the chapel walls, going from side to side.
This went on for two weeks, and I for one was thoroughly distracted and irritated by this “stupid” bird. I grumbled and complained inside and was not at all attentive to either morning prayer or Mass.
One morning, it was the last straw. The woodpecker had discovered the heavy front door of the chapel, and he was hammering away. The noise was loud and reverberating. By this time, I was almost cursing the bird and wishing it had never been born.
Just then, into my heart came the words: “Janine, I knock more insistently than that woodpecker. Do you hear me?”
I was stunned, and I knew I had to give an answer.
“No Lord,” I said, “I have not been listening for your knock. I’m sorry. I’ll try to listen for you from now on.”
That was the last time we heard that woodpecker. He was gone the next morning.
to be continued
