There were eleven children in our family. I was the oldest of seven girls in a row, and she was the youngest. (I also have four brothers.) There was a special bond of affection between Carol and me, and when she died, I missed her terribly.

Raised in this devoutly Catholic family, I found some consolation in knowing that Carol’s soul was with God. But I didn’t know how to reconcile my grieving heart with what I knew through faith. I didn’t know what to do with my grief.

Years passed and dulled the pain, but the memory of my sister’s death remained a secret well of sorrow within me. Most of the time I didn’t know it was there, but it would resurface at odd times.

My search for God eventually led me to a vocation in Madonna House. After the usual two years of formation as an applicant, I made first promises as a staff member and was sent on my first mission: a prayer/listening house in Muskegon, Michigan.

There our apostolate was to listen to people and to offer a place for poustinia (Russian for "desert"), where those who wanted to could encounter God through prayer, fasting and solitude. I myself began to make weekly poustinias.

During one of these poustinias, I awoke with a weight of sorrow on my heart. I had no idea where it came from. In the poustinia was an icon of Our Lady, her hands raised in prayer.

Not knowing what else to do, I stood quietly before the icon and began praying the rosary—the Joyful Mysteries. During the fourth decade, the Presentation of Jesus in the Temple, I heard in my heart: "You have not finished grieving Carol."

Immediately my hidden sorrow welled up and I began to cry—something I had not been able to do easily for years. After a while I calmed down and asked Our Lady, "Is that it?"

"No," she seemed to answer, "Repeat after me: ‘She is risen in Him! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!’" I did so. And, yes, that was it! Such a simple thing to do, yet within my heart something changed forever.

Incredible as it seems to me now, I had never thought of my sister as "risen in Christ," not only in his presence, but resurrected, victorious, a new creation, fully alive in Christ. I was now able to "see" her in the light of the resurrection. This key released me from grief and opened a new door to joy.