Pope Benedict mentioned three qualities in his inaugural homily, and here at Madonna House we meditated together on these during a day of recollection. Over the next three articles I’d like to share those reflections with you.

The first and foundational aspect of that Pauline flame is this: he knew that Christ loved him: …I live by faith in the Son of God who has loved me and given himself up for me. I do not nullify the grace of God; for if justification comes through the law, then Christ died for nothing" (Gal 2: 20b-21).

This experience of being loved by Christ is the wellspring of Paul’s whole life. It brings to mind a definition of faith I once read by a Lutheran bishop commenting on Paul’s Letter to the Romans: "This is faith—to be conquered by the love of God revealed in Jesus Christ."

St. Paul’s faith reveals the impact of this love in a person’s life. Once surrendered to, this love becomes the center around which everything else revolves. One could say that St. Paul is a "fanatic" for Christ, an extremist. He is so overcome by the love of Christ for him that compared to this, nothing else matters.

Most of us might not have been as overwhelmed as Paul by this discovery. But the grace Paul offers, especially through his letters, is to experience with him, more and more, the wonder of such a divine gift.

Pope Benedict notes that this love transformed Paul’s whole existence, and pointed out for him the path of true freedom. What is freedom, in this context? Following Christ!

What is freedom? To live like Christ! What is freedom? To look like Christ! What contradicts freedom? To turn away from Christ. What is not freedom? To do anything but what Christ would do, if he were I.

You see what I mean? Paul is a fanatic. It’s either Christ—or nothing.

St. Paul teaches that the way of freedom will be granted us through Jesus Christ. Freedom from, ultimately, myself.

The question is: Do you and I live in this atmosphere of God’s saving love? Does this knowledge mark our days and imbue our nights? He saved me! He loves me!

Do I return to this truth constantly, despite the fact that I just had a miserable fifteen minutes here, a difficult half hour there, or even days, months and years of trials. Do I turn to him again and again? Do I live in the awareness that he will save me because he loves me? The awareness that he is alive?

This is the "world" in which Paul lived, in good times and in bad, in shipwreck and in scourgings, in preaching and in silence.

You and I need to touch this truth frequently. We need to reach out for it so that the love of God might be given to us anew.

All the sacraments and helps of the Church are there for this one purpose: the Eucharist, adoration, reading the Gospels (especially the Passion), Confession, silent prayer, spiritual reading. All of this is for one reason: to know the love of Christ and to be transformed by it.

One of the things that both St. Peter and St. Paul reveal to us is that they met Christ’s love through failure. It was in their failure that they really understood—Paul, who was persecuting Christians, and Peter, who denied his Lord three times. It was through failing that they truly met Jesus; his love met them there.

The question I ask myself is this: how well do I do living with my greatest point of failure? Because you can bet this will be the very place where Christ wants to reveal his merciful love in my life. Paul and Peter—those pillars of the Church—needed to know in their flesh that without him they could do nothing. They had to learn this the hard way.

This very point is where Christ leads all his disciples, so that he can become their Everything not only in theory, but in fact.

I have found in myself and others two reactions to the thought of failure. One is: avoid it at all costs. The second: I’m really tired of this.

On the one hand, failure can seem for the serious Christian a worst-case scenario. To make a mistake! To be found out! This is the end of all "hope." This means that I have betrayed or denied my Lord!

On the other hand, to have been "found out" (by oneself, if no one else) so many times that one becomes tired of looking at it, living with the knowledge of it. One is tempted to resign one’s post of responsibility.

Or worse, to live inside oneself "resigned" to one’s fate to be a mediocre disciple. "What can I do? I’ll never change. I’ve tried for years without any success."

The Lord shows us through St. Paul how to live with our failures, in the sense that in and through them, we can find Christ awaiting us. Jesus awaits us at the weak point. At the breaking point. At the not-performing-too-well point. Jesus is there. That’s what St. Paul teaches.

And therefore Paul assures us that the Lord turns all things to good for those who love him. To meet him in the midst of failure and disappointment is to know Resurrection.

God doesn’t just meet us in that place and say, "Hi! Too bad, eh (if you’re Canadian!)? You’re not doing that well, are you?" Rather, he says, "Follow me."

I was expecting, at last, my dismissal slip, and the Lord only repeats, "Follow me." This is how the Lord meets us when we fail. Once you really begin to experience this, the light of Resurrection dawns. For it is at this point that change of heart, in depth, really takes place.

From this flows a constant, loving vigilance and attention to Christ. This is what characterizes any saint: he or she is so focused on Jesus! As if life itself depended on him, moment by moment. They no longer look elsewhere for what fails to satisfy. They look only to him.

Or, as a BBC commentator noted years ago in a film about Padre Pio: "Many priests appear to celebrate Mass with great devotion. Padre Pio celebrates Mass as if his salvation depended on it."

Many people do give some attention to Christ—amongst other interests and other possibilities. But there are those who know their life depends on him.

St. Paul is in that category, and that is what he teaches. It is a teaching not only for him, or for a few, but for all.

Suggested Readings:
Romans 5: 5–11; 8: 31–39; 2 Corinthians 5: 14–21; Galatians 2: 19–21; Ephesians 2: 4–10.

to be continued