I didn’t share his fascination with duct tape (and sequent fashion accessories, like the 100% duct tape wallet and backpack), we didn’t listen to the same music, read the same books, and I am far too stuffy and reserved to don that rainbow tuque (knitted cap) he wore all winter.

Yes, on everything superficial and irrelevant, Paul and I didn’t see eye to eye. Nonetheless, even though we didn’t always say a lot to each other, we became brothers in the full Christian sense of that word.

We never had an argument, and we shared a deep sense of why we were here at Madonna House and what we were supposed to be doing.

Paul, as anyone who knew him could tell you, was whimsical, spontaneous and delectably eccentric, but along with that he had a deep seriousness and firmness of purpose. He took God seriously, he loved Christ, and had a chivalric devotion to Lady Poverty.

In this sort of piece one is supposed to try to say "who" another person was, but I find myself unable to manage it. There is a sense that we are opaque to each other, or, as C.S. Lewis says, we can only tell our own story.

All I really know is that the earthly part of Paul’s story ended with his very sudden drowning, seemingly cutting everything short.

And yet, it is my conviction that if we really knew Paul’s story, from God’s eyes, we would stand in awe of the Divine Author and his masterful plotting and see how he wove a thousand threads together into a climax of supernatural proportions.

I was part of Paul’s story for six months, and I know I came out the richer for it. I can’t say much more than that, but I will leave you with one story.

St. Anne’s, the little house where the men guests live, is a wonderful, energetic place, but it can also be difficult. Imagine a dozen young men with different personalities and opinions all reacting to Madonna House differently.

During the time Paul and I spent together there was man in the dorm who could be difficult to live with. We all liked him, but he was prone to outbursts of anger and was finding the Madonna House way of life especially challenging.

One evening, upset and frustrated, he was threatening to leave Madonna House and was in the midst of packing his bags.

Paul came up to him, very quietly, not in front of everyone. With great humility and without ostentation, he genuflected before this man and said, "You are Christ in this community. If you are upset, I am sorry; it is my fault. Please don’t leave."

As far as I know, Paul never did anything to offend this man, and so I found his words strange, but I came to understand that Paul saw something that I don’t see yet about love, the Body of Christ, community or whatever other mystery of faith you want to name.

I saw this man instantly melt. "Aw, geez, Paul, why do you gotta go and say that…" He didn’t leave that night.

Help us, Paul, to see what you see.

Paul Sanders and Neil were together in the spiritual formation program in 2004–2005.