When our basement was deluged and completely destroyed in the fall of 2004, it was the last straw. I "hit bottom" emotionally and spiritually.

I was still reeling from the personal tragedies and hardships that we had recently experienced. Our first daughter, Sarah, was stillborn. A year later, our second daughter, Meagan, was born paralyzed with a condition called spina bifida.

But even more devastating was my growing awareness that I was dead inside. I was unable to move in my life, and my relationships with God, with myself, and with others were all, to some degree, disordered. I had lost my way, and I could not understand what had happened to me.

Why was I unable to access the grace available to me? For nearly twenty years, I had been giving my life to God and to others through personal prayer, regular reception of the sacraments, Bible study, catechesis training, seminars, workshops, missions, and retreats.

I also was involved in ministry using my gifts and talents in my family, parish, and community, but something was missing. I had become a "slumbering," stagnating Catholic. I wasn’t living; I was merely surviving—unable to live in the freedom of a disciple or the power of an apostle.

In order to survive, I had denied some of the truth of my life. My life was indeed a mess, and I was feeling painfully separated from God and from others.

For much of my life, I had allowed the beliefs and issues of others rather than God to guide my choices. This meant that my heart was cluttered with false gods—other people. So there was little room for the one true God. Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods (Gal. 4:8). Also, besides my unhealthy dependence on others, I was depending on myself rather than on God.

It was my daughter, Meagan, who taught me the meaning of Catherine Doherty’s prayer, "Give me the heart of a child, and the awesome courage to live it out as an adult."

Meagan, at age 3½ is dependent on us, her parents for her needs, and takes it for granted that we will fill them. And because she lives in the present moment and is in right relationship to God and to others, her paralysis has not been an obstacle to living life fully. In fact, she is thriving.

She is free and expressive, filled with wonder, spontaneity, and trust. She attends a Montessori school every morning and enjoys times of work, play, prayer, and rest. Meagan is sociable, honest and able to give and receive love.

On the other hand, in order for me to begin to live as a child of God, I, as an adult, have had to face the past, let go of my old life, and recommit myself to God and to a new life in him.

It took many years of hardship and two floods for me to realize that I need to receive God’s gifts.

As a baptized person, I am a child of God. My call is to live out the graces of my baptism every day of my life, You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ (Gal. 3:26, 27).

When the pain became excruciating, and all my personal resources had been exhausted, I had to do something. I admitted defeat and started seeing a counselor on a regular basis. This process was similar to what happened to our basement when it flooded. I had to let God transform my life from its very foundation.

Accordingly, I began to deal with family of origin issues, unhealthy patterns, character defects, and relationship dysfunction. And I was encouraged to continue developing my personal relationship with Jesus.

After months of individual counseling, I was invited to join a supportive Twelve Step group* specific to my addiction—codependency. (A person who is codependent is one who looks to other people for his or her identity, values, and well-being.)

Though at first I attended the meetings only reluctantly, I gradually began to look forward to them. They gave me the opportunity to tell my story and to hear others share theirs. Our sharing is the basis of our unity, and it has been a catalyst for the healing of my relationships and wounds.

Since Jesus is my Higher Power, I experience recovery as a way of discipleship. Through it, I am learning to listen to God and to hear his truth. Through it, I can claim my identity in him and follow the path that leads to the life I was created to live.

The goal of recovery is spiritual growth and a deeper knowledge of God and his will for our lives, and, if you work the program, the results are a spiritual awakening: a deeper connection with God and the fulfillment of his promises of serenity and restoration.

I also learned what it had been that had gotten in the way of my apostolic work.

In Ephesians, Paul says, Wake up, O sleeper. Rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you (5:14).

In the Twelve Step Recovery Programs, the twelfth step reads, "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

Before I could share the Gospel with others, I needed to wake up as a disciple myself.

Twelve stairs lead us to the transformed basement in our home. Twelve steps lead to my personal transformation in God—one step at a time. I thank you, Lord, for your spiritual wake-up call and for the Twelve Step program, a stairway to heaven.

*The Twelve Step Programs, and there are many different ones, follow the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.