WE ARE NOT POWERLESS

by Jean Fox

During my memory of world events, never have I seen anything touch every single corner of the world as has this war in Iraq. And who can say what will be happening by the time you receive this paper?

But whatever is happening, and whatever will happen in the future, all we can do is pray. And because we can pray, we are not powerless.

Also every little thing we do, every thought we think, every word we speak, either adds to the hatred or adds to the great reservoir of love and peace that the King of Kings and Lord of Lords is always bringing to the world.

You matter, today more than ever. Choose life! Choose to surrender your life to God, and choose to live in the truth as never before.

Don’t ever think that the little things you are doing on a daily basis are not involved in this. They are, and they matter tremendously.

One day recently, I had a vivid memory from the hippy era. It was of Mary Davis (one of the staff) going to our foundress, Catherine Doherty, after one of our young visitors told her that she (the visitor) was going to be one of the leaders of a peace march across Europe.

It was to be on foot, and Mary asked Catherine if she could take part in it. (The young visitor was a good example of the youth of that era during the ‘60s, who were seeking some kind of spiritual values that were so lacking in many places.) Anyhow, Catherine told Mary, "If you want to go on a peace march, walk around the apple orchard."

Well you can imagine how Mary must have wrestled with that one, and most of us wrestled with it as well and came to no satisfactory answer. As with so many of Catherine’s answers, you just had to let it sit in you.

When that memory came to mind, it came to me that Catherine was not dismissing direct actions such as peace marches, but that she was aware of a much deeper reality a reality that we were not ready to take hold of at that time. Now some of us are. And that is the reality of entering into solidarity with Jesus in atonement.

The Little Flower was the most obvious among those who grasped that we can be hidden and unknown and even "locked away" in a contemplative convent and still participate in the work of restoring the world to Christ. She received that insight and is now shaking the Church and many, many souls through her Little Way.

Well, Catherine, too, understood this Little Way. Her largeness of vision and soul encircled the whole globe, but she understood that the minutiae that constitute the hidden life of Nazareth are what the Little Flower used to save souls and become a saint.

So we are faced with these ordinary, repetitive, daily challenges, and our "yes" and "no" to God will resound through time forever, according to how deeply we go into this mystery.

In Catherine’s book, Season of Mercy, there is an excellent section about atonement (pp. 49-56). In it she says that "atonement means reparation for wrong or an injury."

Have we applied this to our sense of injury, our wounds, and the times when we are hurt by someone? Do we pick up the sword of atonement to repair the wrong or injury? This is a way of reconciling man to God. Those who sin tear the union with God; those who atone, repair it. Can we begin to repent, atone, and forgive with gusto?

So many divisions between peopleSthose between nations and those between members of a familytcome from seeing the other as the enemy. Even if they may be for now our enemies, they are still our brothers and sisters, and we are called to love them with a love that is beyond human ability to achieve.

Let us always remember that, when we are having struggles or conflicts with others. We can repair or we can tear down. The choice is ours.

At a time when the whole world is being challenged to love one another, and being challenged to do the impossible, we have to take this business of atonement, reparation, and forgiveness very, very seriously.

The whole world belongs to God. He is the Creator and we are creatures. If we want real peace, if we want the new springtime to come quickly, we must take this seriously. If we are living the Gospel, the word "love" will come alive for those who touch our lives, no matter where we are. This is not our work. It is the work of God who is love and who lives in each of us.

The incarnation of the Gospel is always most powerful in hiddenness and simplicity. So we don’t have to worry about what we do and say as much as we do about saying "yes" to Jesus every day.

Let us do this with all our hearts because the salvation of many depends upon our "yes."

Certainly we know, even if only dimly, that history was altered forever by September 11th, and that things are going to continue to change everywhere.

The attack on the World Trade Center was not just a single event, but it was as though through it, a major cataclysmic separation has come between the darkness and the light.

All of us are sinners. We of the West are sinners and must repent. Those in the East are sinners and must repent. But this is impossible unless we take seriously the words of Jesus Christ.

Our Lord and his Mother are the ones who are really moving to govern and restore everything. What we have to do is trust.

We the laity have a two-fold vocationWto be Martha and Mary, to be contemplatives in action. We must be both because without the power of the Trinity, action is not lasting. But when the two are wedded, watch out! Everything we do then becomes love and truth for the whole world.

In the United States, the old military recruitment posters used to say: "Uncle Sam wants you!" Well I say, "God wants you! God needs you!" God wants you to really believe, to trust, and to move deeply into faith. Individually we may be one small light, but collectively, through the power of God, we Christians can set the world on fire.

Combermere Diary

EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT

by Paulette Curran

Today is March 18th. Yesterday evening American President George Bush announced that if Saddam Hussein does not leave Iraq within 48 hours, there will be war.

As I wondered and prayed about how to write this month’s diary, a memory came to me, a memory from 1991 when it was announced in the dining room at suppertime that the United States had begun the bombing of Iraq, that the Gulf War had begun.

We may have prayed together; I don’t remember. What I do remember is that I had an appointment with my spiritual director for right after supper. And suddenly whatever I had planned to talk about seemed completely unimportant.

My spiritual director, (who spends three days a week in poustinia), won’t have heard, I told myself.as I walked over to his cabin.

"So it’s begun," he said when I told him. And then, as he always does, he just looked at me, alert to listen, waiting for me to begin.

I just sat there. I don’t know what I had expectedamaybe that we’d pray the rosary together. Or something. It took me a couple of minutes to register that, with spiritual direction, nothing had changed. Then I started to talk.about my spiritual life.

It was a simple incident, but one that the Lord graced. It seared deep into my mind and heart what Catherine Doherty always taught usIthat no matter how difficult or serious what is going on is, whether in our own personal lives or in the world, our part is to do the duty of the moment, whatever that is. The duty of the moment, she would tell us, will save us.

And Fr. Sharkey’s simply proceeding as usual said to me that no matter what was happening in the world, what was going on in my life with God was still vitally important for me, and even more importantly, to God.

Yes, everything is important, every big and little thing that happens in Madonna House—as well as in the lives of each of us and each of you.

In this diary, the first of these things that I will tell you about is a lovely, light-hearted, playful thing: our "Pre-Lent Event," our annual variety show. Since, among other things, it features skits, many of them take-offs on our daily life, well, you can imagine the laughter.

This year the emcees were Denise Becker who kept changing wigs, and Fr. Paul Burchat whose best lines were spontaneous ones. (He didn’t know ahead of time that he would be playing the "dangerous" role of "tree" for a beaver (Fr. Louis LaBrecque).

Other skits included the following: the temptation by the devil (Tom Kluger) of two applicants and one guest dish-washer (Teresa Gehred, Melanie Murphy, and Laura Lewis). ("Aren’t you glad you went to college to prepare you to do this job?"), a take-off on a nurse (Diane Kunz) taking care of a patient (Paul Holland) with a cold to end all colds, and Tom White "fixing" a cardboard kitchen stove whose problem was caused by an imp (Sofia Segal). We even had a Madonna House-style rap by one of our guests, Adam Ashcraft.

Then after our traditional Shrove Tuesday pancake supper, Lent began. More than one of us has said how right it feels to have Lent at this time, and what a good time it is to make sacrifices and do penance for the world. And this Lent, so shortly after Rita Marie’s baptism, we have another visitor in preparation, Leandro Teixeira from Brazil, who will be baptized on Easter, before you get this paper.

Now to backtrack a little in time. On February 17th, Sean O’Callaghan was taken to the hospital with congestive heart failure and pneumonia. Two days later, he had a heart attack, which put him in critical condition.

Then he stabilized, and on March 1st, only because we have good nursing care at Madonna House, Sean came home.

Sean had some ups and downs, but he and all of us knew that he was dying. He was able to speak until close to the end, and even the last few days, he seemed to be aware. It was a very holy time. Someone was with him all the time, and the rest of us, one by one, came and sat with him and prayed and said our good-byes. The room was filled with peace.

Then on March 12th, at about 4:30 in the afternoon, with three people present, Sean peacefully went home to God. A number of people gathered in his room while Fr. Brière said Mass for his soul.

When Sean’s body was brought back from the funeral home and was waked in our chapel, again he was never left alone and without prayer. As always we had a wake service, a beautiful liturgy, and a burial in our cemetery on St. Mary’s grounds. There was a reception afterwards, a festive supper, and in the evening we gathered to tell stories about Sean. In our next issue of our paper, we will share with you some of our memories of him.

Counting Noreen Hickey, our good friend and neighbor, this was our third death in four months.

All the time, of course, our ordinary lives go on. Just two days ago, on Sunday, after a long, bitterly cold winter, in the light and heat of a gloriously bright sun, the temperature rose so suddenly and so much that we took off our heavy winter jackets and walked around in sweaters.

No, it isn’t spring yet and it will get cold again before then. But what joy that light and warmth brought and what hope! Spring will come. By the time you read this paper, it will be here.

We can say that with confidence even though no one can predict at this time what will be happening on the world scene by then.

But whatever is happening, we know what we need to do: pray , trust that God is in charge, and continue to do the duty of the moment, whatever it is. And, always, God is with us, and he is all-loving and all-powerful.

The Pope’s Corner

A WAY TO TRUE PEACE

by Pope John Paul II

The following is excerpted from the apostolic letter, Rosarium Virginis Mariae (The Rosary of the Virgin Mary), which was issued on October 16, 2003.

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The grave challenges confronting the world at the start of this new millennium lead us to think that only an intervention from on high, capable of guiding the hearts of those living in situations of conflict and those governing the destinies of nations, can give reason to hope for a brighter future.

The rosary is by its nature a prayer for peace, since it consists in the contemplation of Christ, the Prince of Peace, the one who is "our peace" (Eph 2:14)

Anyone who assimilates the mystery of ChristAand this is clearly the goal of the rosaryalearns the secret of peace and makes it his life’s project.

Moreover, by virtue of its meditative character, with the tranquil succession of the Hail Marys, the rosary has a peaceful effect on those who pray it, disposing them to receive and experience in their innermost depths and to spread around them, that true peace which is the special gift of the Risen Lord (cf. Jn 14:27, 20:21)

The rosary is also a prayer for peace because of the fruits of charity, which it produces. When prayed well in a truly meditative way, the rosary leads to an encounter with Christ in his mysteries and so cannot fail to draw attention to the face of Christ in others, especially in the most afflicted.

How could one possibly contemplate the mystery of the Child of Bethlehem in the joyful mysteries, without experiencing the desire to welcome, defend, and promote life, and to shoulder the burdens of suffering children all over the world?

How could one possibly follow in the footsteps of Christ the Revealer, in the mysteries of light, without resolving to bear witness to his beatitudes in daily life?

And how could one contemplate Christ carrying the cross and Christ Crucified, without feeling the need to act as a Simon of Cyrene for our brothers and sisters weighed down by grief or crushed by despair?

Finally, how could one possibly gaze upon the glory of the Risen Christ or of Mary Queen of Heaven, without yearning to make this world more beautiful, more just, more closely conformed to God’s plan?

In a word, by focusing our eyes on Christ, the rosary also makes us peacemakers in the world. By its nature as an insistent choral petition in harmony with Christ’s invitation to "pray ceaselessly" (Lk 18:1), the rosary allows us to hope that, even today, the difficult "battle" for peace can be won.

Far from offering an escape from the problems of the world, the rosary obliges us to see them with responsible and generous eyes, and obtains for us the strength to face them with the certainty of God’s help and the firm intention of bearing witness in every situation to love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony (Col 3:14).

SURRENDER

by Tom Kluger

Surrender. It’s not my favorite word. Maybe I’ve watched too many war movies, but whenever I think of this word, I picture myself marching hands-up into a prisoner of war camp.

And yet late on one memorable afternoon in October, "surrender" was just what I was being asked to do by God, and in a very "little thing."

It began when a staff member went on vacation, and I was tapped on the shoulder and asked to take over many of his responsibilities.

These responsibilities included assigning someone to serve at the weekday Masses and someone, usually a man guest, to do the "veggie set-up." Veggie setup means getting things organized for the preparing of the vegetables for the next day’s meals, a job which the men do after supper every evening. "Veggie setup" may sound like a simple job, but since it involves a fair number of people, it isn’t.

Then I had to make sure that the new men guests knew to go and work on those "veggies."

So during my first week on this duty, I taught one of the men guests how to serve Mass so that he would be able to do it the following week, and I scheduled another one, Peter, to take care of the veggies.

I am an applicant of Madonna House, which is roughly equivalent to being a novice in a religious communityIa second-year applicant, and I thought that I was handling my new responsibilities very well, and that at long last, I was really getting into the swing of things at Madonna House.

Then the man I had taught to serve Mass left unexpectedly, and the only other guest who knew how to do it was the man I had assigned to do veggie setup! Since the two jobs overlap timewise, I decided to serve Mass myself.

Then I prayed that nothing would prevent Peter or myself from performing our respective jobs during the upcoming week.

I had made my plan, and it was sensible. Certainly God would be reasonable enough to concur! If I had "ears to hear," I might have been able to hear God laughing in the background.

God, who is both all-powerful and all-knowing, is the Lord of History. In A.D.70 when the Roman army sacked Jerusalem, many Christians must have thought that the end of the world was near.

But the Christians who were concentrated in Jerusalem were forced to disperse and spread the Gospel. So what would have seemed to be the end was really a glorious new beginning.

But while it was easy for me to be in awe of the Lord of History for using a catastrophe to spread his Kingdom, I really did not trust him to make sure that there was someone to serve Mass and do veggies. I wanted him to leave that exclusively to me.

But in his mercy, God decided not to leave me and my big plans alone.

One afternoon that week, I was working late at St. Joseph’s Rural Apostolate, known simply as the RA, our outreach to the local area. At the last minute, I, along with two staff members, was asked to make a trip of three-quarters of an hour to pick up some food, and then drive an hour north from there to bring it to a food bank. I was not going to be around to serve Mass!

"Oh, no!" I cried to Jo-Anne, my co-worker at the RA. "That would be a complete disaster!" Immediately panic set in. I had to arrange for Peter, the guest, to serve Mass, and then find somebody else to do veggie set- up.

I phoned Mike Fagan, the local director of men in Combermere, and told him that he must get hold of another guest, Jerome, and get him to do the veggie set up, and then he had to get hold of Peter and get him to serve Mass.

The interesting part was that Mike did not seem to be at all stressed out about it. As a matter of fact his tone conveyed that it was no big deal. "Mmm, mmm," he said calmly. "Don’t you worry, I’ll look after it."

I felt like shouting, "Don’t you understand what is going on?"

Maybe he realized something that I didn’t: that the Lord of History is also Lord of the Mass. He is quite capable of finding someone to serve at his altar when my brilliant plans do not work out.

Well, alleluia, the Lord did work things out. Mike couldn’t reach Peter, but he managed to get hold of David, a staff member, who could serve Mass, and so Peter could do the veggies as had originally been planned.

God in his wisdom had decided that the corporal works of mercy took precedence over my clinging to my little plans. I went on the road trip to get some much-needed food for the poor.

When we join a community like Madonna House, we sometimes fool ourselves into thinking that by giving our lives to God , we have done the one big thing necessary and that God will then leave us in peace with our own little neatly structure plans, with our own little kingdoms.

But, he wants to lead us to his Kingdom. And as I discovered as soon as I decided to let my will go, there is peace in his will.

As soon as I let go, I was immediately at ease and happy. I was able to concentrate on what I needed to do at the present timeAsit in the car. I was living what we call "the duty of the moment."

I enjoyed the road trip in pleasant company. In fact, it turned out to be a welcome change from my usual routine.

And I learned a valuable lesson: surrender to God, and he will not throw you in a prisoner of war camp. As a matter of fact, he will lead you out of the camp that you built for yourself, to freedom.

LOVE WILL TRIUMPH

by Jean Fox

The following is taken from our spring "begging letter," our semi-annual letter, which asks you, our benefactors, for the money we depend on for our work. In it, Jean tells of some of the blessings God has given us over the past few months, and gives a word for these troubled times.

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When the year 2003 arrived, no one could fully anticipate what history would present to the world. At this point, tension, fear, violence, and uncertainty are reaching hands into every part of the globe. As we continue our everyday lives for the Lord, we all are faced with the ultimate challengeoeither we love one another or we perish.

Yet for all of us who are Christian and for others too who have a strong faith in God, this is a moment of hope. We Christians have been washed in baptismal waters that unite us to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We know in faith that love will triumph.

Not only are we fed by the Eucharist, but we have Pope John Paul II still alive and leading the entire Church into new life. This we accept as children with trust and faith.

This morning I asked the Lord for a word of consolation for all of us. This is what I came to:

Romans 8:38: I am certain of this: neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nothing already in existence and nothing still to come, nor any power, nor heights nor depths, nor any created thing whatever, will be able to come between us and the love of God, known to us in Christ Jesus Our lord.

So while the secular news breathes foreboding, here in little Combermere, Madonna House rejoices over the great goodness of God to us as we move through perfectly ordinary days of living this humble, hidden gospel life.

In September, we enfolded three men and three young women applicants into our hearts. Each one we find extraordinary in his and her unique way.

Added to this are two Belgian women who are seriously looking at our vocation. One is currently studying English in our house in Raleigh, North Carolina, and the other remains in our house in Belgium as part of our MH family there.

Following this came the first promises in our house in Brazil of Eliana Ribeiro das Chagas, who made her promises of poverty, chastity, and obedience on December 14th, the anniversary of Catherine’s entry into heaven. As you may know, we are diligently translating our way of life into Portuguese and French.

In Christ, death is simply a passageway into new life, and in November one of our earliest pioneers, Jim Guinan, noted within our family and by all who met him as a truly humble, holy man, made this passage.

His death in an intensive care unit was so arranged by God that Fr. Emile-Marie Brière was in the same hospital at that time and in the same intensive care unit. He was praying and present during Jim’s last hours and offered Mass immediately after Jim died. What more can Christians hope for as they go into glory?

A second death that was equally holy was that of Noreen Hickey, who came to Combermere 40 years ago after her husband’s death. Since her brother, Fr. John Callahan, was the first priest in our family, Noreen was our close friend, yet her life in the valley centered around the parish.

Her hidden greatness and wisdom somehow became a bridge between Madonna House and our neighboring parish. This became beautifully clear when we waked her in our chapel and so many of the neighbors came, and when, the following day, we all gathered in the parish church of Holy Canadian Martyrs for her funeral Mass.

We also rejoiced with the beginning of new life through the baptism of one of our young Korean guests. She arrived her for her own reasons, gradually fell into the strange mystery of God’s love, and is now a full member of the Church. And now a young man from Brazil is following the same pattern.

Another special gift was the blessing of the extension to Madonna House Publications, which had desperately needed more work-space and storage. From this department the word goes forth around the world proclaiming in numerous ways how the incarnation of Christ knits divine life to every aspect of ordinary life.

Each day we give thanks for the abundance of food, clothing, water, wood, and all the necessities of life that God provides. Life is simple if all you desire are the necessities. In the midst of work and prayer, our days are filled with much giving and receiving on every level, but the heart of it always returns to love.

We keep alert and awake to listen for the reality of God’s love touching all who come to us, all who live here, and all those we extend our life to in countless other places. As you read this, remember that the love of Christ has brought us together, and that same love keeps you in our hearts and daily Masses and prayers.

In this time of crisis, may God keep you and your loved ones safe.

Yesterday

ADVENTURING IN OBEDIENCE

By Cheryl Ann Smith

Yesterday, I talked with the women applicants about obedience. I am their director of training and when I teach, I like to read what our foundress, Catherine Doherty, wrote, present different aspects of the topic, and offer some examples from my own experience. Nothing brings a subject home as clearly as seeing the ways it can be lived out.

Well, yesterday, I had a very clear example of obedience. "I’m being transferred," I told them. "I leave in three days."

Reactions varied: disbelief ("Wait a minute! It’s halfway through the year! You’re supposed to teach about obedience, not leave as an example of it.), sadness, and a peppering of questions:

"How long have you known?" "Were you asked, or were you just told to do it?" "Were you allowed to discuss it with Jean?" (my superior) "Did you have to struggle with the obedience?" "Is it okay to struggle, or is that a lack of faith?" "Do all your belongings fit into the prescribed two suitcases?"

There’s nothing like a case in hand, to draw out the pressing questions! My answers? "The idea was broached ten days ago, and my feedback was welcomed." "My first response was, ‘Of course, if this is God’s will.’"

That wasn’t just a "pious" answer. I’ve certainly learned through the years, that God does have a particular plan for my life that far exceeds my little vision, and that life and fruitfulness blossom in his will.

I’ve often balked, because his way looks so different from mine! Yet I have to admit: if I had followed only my own vision through the years, I’d be a pretty one-dimensional person. I’d have chosen what was most attractive and comfortable for myself.

Following God has felt like repeatedly jumping off a cliff into the abyss of the unknown, and sometimes even the inconceivable. Yet whenever I’ve embraced what was fearsome, distasteful, or just different, because Jesus asked it, my heart was expanded to love more.

Life with God has certainly not been boring. It has, in fact, been an adventure. And so it is through my promise of obedience that I’ve learned to trust him.

However, I do have to be honest. The pain of saying goodbye to directing the applicants and our liturgical music is searing. And I will dearly miss the throbbing life found in the "marketplace" of our Madonna House dining room, where people from every land find their way into our life and heart.

Mitigating the pain of this transfer, however, is the fact that I’m only moving down the road Mto St. Mary’s!

This Madonna House foundation was born nine years ago, because there was no longer enough room at the main house! We all grieved as the original members traveled that half mile down the road, because we knew that perhaps we would see each other only at Sunday Mass.

But there was also excitement: St. Mary’s was smaller, and the hope was for a life of greater intimacy, and the chance to live our family life more fully and freely. It was to be a poustinia house, an arm of prayer for the apostolate. It was to be home for the arts in a particular way: the working place for many of our artists, and for those involved in our newspaper, Restoration, and in music, drama, and theology.

Catherine dreamt of Madonna House developing a culture of love and restoration, a light in the darkness, a place where our everyday life would include and embrace the intellectual, artistic and spiritual life in an organic way. When St. Mary’s was purchased, it was hoped it might be a place for this vision to be lived out more fully.

In the days following the news of my new assignment, God confirmed this discernment through many signs. The most compelling for me was a reminder of a dream I had shortly after Catherine Doherty died.

At that time I was struggling mightily with a particular obedience, and one night I threw myself on my bed and cried out to Catherine for help.

This is how she answered my prayer. When I fell asleep, I dreamed I was pregnant with a golden-haired child, whose name was Catherine. The father of the little girl was not physically present, but I knew He was caring for us.

There was something I wasn’t understanding, and I turned to Catherine, whose hair was braided in the same way as the child in my womb. She grabbed me by the wrist in affectionate exasperation with my "slowness," and proceeded to give me a whirlwind tour of the future.

Madonna House-of-the-future was housed in a large white school, which contained a labyrinth of corridors and niches. It was like a marketplace, with future field houses displaying their fruits in every nook and cranny. Catherine was tireless as she hauled me up and down the hallways, pointing out each house and explaining its place in God’s plan.

She showed me what foundations were being laid at that time, forcing my eyes open to see beyond the present struggle and filling me with a much broader vision. Though she was an old woman, I could barely keep up with her!

In the morning I awoke filled with light, exhilaration, and hope. Though my mind didn’t understand what I was being asked to do any better, my spirit exulted.

It was a year later, when I shared this story with the community on the first anniversary of Catherine’s death, that I realized that the building in the dream was St. Mary’s, a building which we had no real thought of buying at the time.

Why do I tell you this story? Well, we all have to struggle with obedience to God’s mysterious ways. Maybe you don’t all have a superior transferring you to another area of the country, or another kind of work, but everyone is faced at one time or another with unexpected turns in their lives. And we all suffer from periods of myopic vision, when we can’t see the promise beyond the present situation.

Through whatever is happening in the present, we need to trust that God is laying the foundation for the future, and we need to turn to him and allow him to draw resurrection out of the cross.

God doesn’t actively will evil and sickness, but when he allows it, we must entrust the situation to him and believe that he will draw greater good out of it. We know that by turning everything to their good, God co-operates with all those who love him, with all those that he has called according to His purpose (Rm 8: 28). Yes Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. (Mk 9:25)

Oh yes, that last question from the applicants: are my belongings packed into two suitcases? Well, not quite. I’ll have to work on that one!

Word Made Flesh

WHAT IF…?

by Fr. Pat McNulty

The following is a reflection in connection with Pentecost Sunday.

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Unlike some people I know, I have never thought of a football stadium as a temple of the Holy Spirit, but it was in a football stadium that I almost committed the unpardonable sin against the Holy Spirit.

I don’t remember the year, but it was probably in the 1960s. It was the year when the International Charismatic Renewal had its conference at Notre Dame University in South Bend, Indiana. And the reason that they were having their Masses and prayer meetings in the football stadium was that that was the only place large enough to accommodate such a large number of people.

I was at Notre Dame at the time, but not for the charismatic conference. I was there studying non-violence. (In the 1950s and 60s, Notre Dame was one of the few public forums at the Catholic university level for such issues as war and civil rights.)

I don’t remember how I ended up at Mass in that stadium that particular day, but it was a rather painful event for me, for there I was face to face with some of the most outstanding opponents of those of us who were speaking out on the Vietnam War and civil rights.

And they were finding new life and hope in a renewal and were sounding as if they were "the saved," and the rest of us who had also made some very difficult and heroic decisions were not.

Being at Mass in a football stadium was no problem for me; it was what happened at that MassBall the waving of hands, singing without words, and so forth. Though I was enough at peace about it to let everyone else do "their thing," there was no way I was going to do it just because everyone else was doing it.

And yet something was happening in my heart, something which I recognized immediately because the same sort of thing was beginning to happen frequently in similar circumstances.

And I knew it was happening this time when I heard in my heart the words, "What if…?" What if the Holy Spirit is here in this stadium?

I had already asked the very same question about those who were crying out against the war in Vietnam before I joined them. What if the Spirit is speaking through them? And what if those who are crying out against our un-Christian response to the lack of civil rights of other people in our country are being driven by the Holy Spirit? What if…?

What if my own response in situations like this is nothing but stubbornness and arrogance? If so, then I am already on the threshold of the temptation to sin against the Holy Spirit. Which is? To close off my heart to any other possibilities or signs of faith or life other than the ones I believe are from the Spirit, the ones which fit my agenda, my experience of God, my life of faith.

That’s the temptation which can lead directly into the deadly sin which Jesus speaks of in Matthew’s Gospel: when my stubbornness (my opinion) is more intense than the signs calling me beyond where I am, when I am so entrenched in my own experience or agenda that not even the Holy Spirit can move me.

And when I will not even allow the Holy Spirit to move me, then I am in such a state that nothing can touch my soul. That is the sin that cannot be forgiven because it is a sin I will not let go of even if the very Spirit of God asks it of me.

That’s a sin beyond what most of us can imagine ourselves being guilty of, but we‘d best be careful. What if …?

Those two simple words have been a lifesaver for me, but when I ask them, I am not asking if something is good, better, or best. I am trying to open my heart to the mere possibility that there is something going on which could be a source of new life, new faith, new ministry in Christ for me, for you, or for the Church.

So I ended up becoming very active in the Charismatic Renewal for a few years. And though it was not the be-all and end-all of my life of faith, it was a great blessing. It affected my sense of prayer. It affected my sense of ministry. It affected my sense of healing. And it all taught me something about the Spirit which was, to me, beyond simple "renewal."

Christians with a long history and tradition know full well that faith is not simply a matter of "being open to the Spirit." St. Paul reminds us that this openness has to be tested and honed. So this What if? is not about different ways of looking at the same Spirit in our many Christian denominations. It is about the spiritual battle which takes place in every Christian heart.

It is about the call of the Spirit to be open to the Spirit. It is about not being so arrogant, so proud, so stubborn that no sign at all can be strong enough to move us in a way that the Spirit seems to want to move us, whether we are Catholic or Protestant or any other religion which believes in the Holy Spirit. It is about Christians not falling into the sin against the Holy Spirit.

For me, the words, "What if?" have become one of the most powerful tools with which to do battle with the temptation to sin against the Holy Spirit and a lot of other sins of pride and arrogance, for that matter.

Yes, it can get messy because it does not mean that What if? is the answer to every question about every subject proposed by every person. For we do already have sufficient and well-tested answers from within our own Christian history and experience. And so I am not proposing a What if? answer to anything or everything. I am only saying it has become a good test for me.

If I sense in myself the slightest bit of stubbornness, judgment, holding back, or fear, when something other than my own way of being or thinking comes to my attention, then I need to ask, What if?

And sometimes just asking the question is enough. Sometimes I don’t even have to do anything about it. I simply have to go to that place in my own heart and ask, What if the Holy Spirit were to ask this of you? Would you do it, be it, proclaim it, change your life to fit it?

It is amazing to me that once I ask that questioniand sometimes I don’t have the faith to ask ittI can be at peace around anyone. And I can be at peace because I have left myself open to the possibility that the Holy Spirit might have something to say to me through that person.

So at Pentecost this year let me ask you: how long has it been since you have asked What if? and really wanted to know the Holy Spirit’s response? Don’t wait too long. It is amazing how easily we can become so entrenched in our own opinions, experiences, and agendas that we will not even allow God, the Holy Spirit, to change us!

My Dear Family

THE PARADOX OF INSECURITY

Catherine Doherty

These days people are teetering on the edge of an abyss, with the threat of terrorism in the background. The security to which most people cling is mere illusion.

We are not secure walking the streets of a large modern city. In planes, we never know if we’ll stay up or not. Wars flare up in almost every part of the world. So where is the security we seem to value to dearly?

God doesn’t give us material security. He offers instead faith, a faith which begins, in a sense, where reason ends.

We must, like Christ, be paradoxical. Christ said, All who draw the sword will die by the sword (Mt 26:52), but he also said, It is not peace I have come to bring, but a sword (Mt 10:34). Paradox!

Nothing upsets our civilization more than the paradox surrounding security. We don’t want risk and insecurity. But choosing a security that doesn’t follow Christ can be killing us, spiritually.

God offers us risk, danger, and an insecurity that leads to perfect security. His security begins when we start loving God with our whole heart, our whole mind, and our whole soul, and our neighbor as ourselves. This can never be overstressed. If we do not clothe our lives with his love, we shall perish.

To love one’s neighbor is the ultimate risk. It may even mean death for my brother’s sake, For this kind of loving, we have the Holy Spirit in us. With his help, we shall be able to love our neighbor. With him, we shall have the courage to risk loving our neighbor.

It is a tremendous risk, because we are also asked by Christ to love our enemies. Once we have entered into Christ’s command to love as he loved us (Jn 15:12), we have the power and grace, the charisms, to change enemies into friends and beloved neighbors.

All this sounds very idealistic and perhaps quite unobtainable. Christ assures us it is attainable. It is through little steps taken day after day that one slowly accepts the other as he or she is, and begins to love totally, tenderly, compassionately.

From Living the Gospel Without Compromise, pp. 12-13, available from MH Publications.