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I’m OK the Way I Am

by Susheila Horwitz (age 69)

By July 2, 2018November 23rd, 2023No Comments

This content has been archived. It may no longer be relevant

Would I be 20 again if I could? Nope. Life is a lot better for me now than it was at 20.

For many of us older folk, there is more freedom, joy, and peace now than there was in our youth. The teenage years were agony for me. Parties were excruciating. Did I look OK? Would anyone like me? Was I cool? Would I know how to handle situations that came up?

Plus, I was supposed to be something and someone. I was supposed to achieve, be a success, be important, and contribute to the good of mankind. This inner suffering went on for many years. And each year, the suffering lessened.

I know that life is short, that what other people think doesn’t much matter, and that I am OK the way I am.

There is freedom and joy in old age, a freedom and joy that few young people have. The elderly can just “live.” We are who we are, and that is fine.

There is a group of old American women who go out to lunch together in red hats and purple clothing. How many young folks would do that?

We elderly don’t always look so great. We are wrinkly, stiff, and sometimes stooped. We walk slowly or shuffle; we don’t run.

It’s too bad others can’t see our insides because, as our bodies are falling apart, our spirits are strengthening. We are like hot air balloons which pull and strain at the ropes holding them to the ground. Our bones and sinews tether us to the earth, while our spirits prepare to soar.

Have you ever been to a nursing home and seen the daily sign on the black board? “Good morning!! Today is Wednesday, May 17th.” I used to laugh silently when I saw that. Now I am grateful.

The older I get, the less aware I am of chronological time. Archbishop Joseph Raya, an Eastern Rite member of Madonna House, used to speak to us about two kinds of time: chronos and kairos.

Chronos is the time on your watch. It is temporal: hours, days, months, years. Kairos is God’s time, heavenly time, and it includes eternity.

We old folks are moving away from chronos and into kairos. And it’s a heavenly journey.

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